Feeling Responsible for Elderly Parents Happiness
When caring for an elderly parent, it may begin to feel like everything is suddenly your responsibility — including your parent’s happiness. Whether you’re a full-time caregiver struggling to enrich your parent’s life or an adult child of difficult elderly parents feeling pressured to keep your parent’s mood elevated, it can leave you feeling depleted. While we all want to do what is best for our aging parents, feeling responsible for elderly parents’ happiness can lead to neglecting your own emotional needs, resentment, and caregiver burnout. In this blog, we’ll discuss tips for managing your parent’s happiness without making your own happiness an afterthought.
If your parents are living with you or in a full-time care facility you may feel like, because you are the one calling the shots, any unhappiness or discomfort they experience is a direct reflection on your ability as a caregiver. Or if your elderly parent is living alone, you may feel guilty that they’d be happier if you only spent more time together. However, it is important to remember that happiness comes from your own actions — unless your elderly parent is completely reliant on you for everything from eating to getting out of bed — they have the ability to exercise some agency in their own life.
Rather than putting pressure on yourself to be responsible for your parent's happiness, consider how much more successful you might be in improving their mood if you focused on empowering them to make their own happiness?
Making Your Own Happiness – Tips for Dealing with Elderly Parents
It’s a bit of a cliché at this point, but the only one responsible for your happiness — is you. If you worry that your elderly parents are unhappy in their lives, it’s worth asking yourself, “What are they doing to create joy in their lives?” Are they making an effort to plan quality time together? Do they invest time in creating friendships? Do they have any hobbies outside the home?
Social Events
Social isolation is a major source of anxiety and depression for seniors. If you’re worried your senior is feeling lonely, help them avoid becoming a shut-in by encouraging them to maintain a social calendar.
Volunteering at a local church or food pantry, attending senior day care, or joining a social club are just a few examples of how your seniors can find meaning and community outside of the home.
Quality Time
A little extra family time is always a good thing — if time allows, ask your senior to help you plan a recurring dinner with family and/or friends. If their health allows for it, ask them to take the lead on making a guest list, reaching out to invite everyone, deciding on a menu, and cooking the meal. The more agency they feel, the better.
Hobbies
Developing a new hobby or reconnecting with an old one is another great way to help your elderly parents to be responsible for their own happiness. Whether it’s the sense of fulfillment that comes from activities like starting a collection or the opportunity for connection that comes from activities like joining a bowling league, hobbies are one of the best ways to elevate our moods and give us things to look forward to when life gets challenging.
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